HELP CHILDREN DEAL WITH NATIONAL CRISIS Friends Delia Halverson sent the following e-mail to me today and I am forwarding it to you directly for your consideration in figuring out what your congregation can and will do to support children as they try to process Tuesday's tragedy. PLEASE DO NOT FORGET THEM! Generational theory learnings indicate that there are significant events that occur during the formative years of childhood and youth that powerfully influence who these young people are as adults. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS! Powerful and influential learning is going to take place in the lives of our children and youth. Do not let this moment slip by without using it to witness to what a CHRISTIAN response to such tragedy should be. Let us not just talk about it or teach about it, but LIVE IT, MODEL IT, BE IT! You will be hearing more from me, but let this get you started thinking. You are all in my prayers.  Mary Lue Eastmond I have been asked for suggestions on how the church can help parents deal with children in this national crisis, and I thought I'd send it on to everyone else. This is not a finished product, but gives some ideas of things you can put into a newsletter or bulletin. It may also give you some ideas for children's messages in worship. During the Gulf War the United Methodist Church published a paper "Helping Children and Youth Cope with War." If you still have it in your files, you might pull it out as much is applicable here. Use what you need here, and flesh it out according to your own situation. More thoughts on children and death can be found in my book HOW DO OUR CHILDREN GROW? published by Chalice Press and  available through Cokesbury (www.cokesbury.com) as well  as Amazon.com.  This may be an appropriate time to have a study for parents on sharing faith with children. There is a study guide in this book.  You can also go to www.cokesbury.com and click on curriculum. There you will find some options on free downloads about children and violence in schools. Much of that can be applicable here.  For adults and youth SS lessons, keep an eye out of upcoming issues of Faithlink and LinC, also found at the Cokesbury site. I'm sure it will be handled there this week or next. They may also carry a special issue of YouthNet.  Delia  Needs of children in a crisis:  Love - They need to know your love, not showering with gifts but physical love.  Assurance - They need to have assurance of their own safety, but avoid being overprotective so that they are afraid to leave your side.  Conversation - Keep the lines of communication open. Don't spend all your spare time glued to the television. Use such things as selecting pictures in a book to drawing pictures to express feelings. Then talk about the pictures. Take the lead from the child as to how much they need to talk  about and know about the situation. Keep answers to questions simple, giving only what is needed. Listen to comments of children as they play - are there clues here that need further conversation? Older children can understand the concept of the three wills of God.  1. God's Original Will - that we choose to live together peacefully, loving and caring for each other.  2. God's Circumstantial Will - A part of that original will, however, is that we all have our own free will. We are free to choose things that will be helpful to others and things that will be hurtful to others. In these  circumstances, some people chose to do things that were very hurtful to others.  3. God's Ultimate Will - If we allow God to work through us, we can become stronger people because of the circumstances that did happen, and we will have a stronger faith (or relationship with God) because we have lived through this.  (Adapted from THE WILL OF GOD by Leslie Weatherhead.)  Expression of feelings - Use opportunities for children to express feelings, such as: toys, puppets, books, music, water play, play dough, painting, puzzles (creating order out of chaos). Let children know that you have some of the same feelings they have. Be honest about your feelings, but temper them with recognition that God loves even those who have harmed us. God doesn't like their actions, but God continues to love.  Prayer - Pray as a family. Pray for those injured, those whose family members were injured or killed, those who are making decisions, and also those who planned and carried out such an injustice. Keep prayers simple, simply talking to God. It's OK to tell God about your feelings too. Children may want to write out prayers as if writing a letter to God.  God's love - They need to know that God loves with a happy heart and with a sad heart. Right now God is loving with a sad heart. We don't understand why this happened. We don't believe that this was what God wanted or planned to happen. We will never understand why it happened. But we do know that God is sad, not only sad for those whose families were killed, but also sad for the people who planned and carried out these acts. God wanted them to be happy people who loved others, but something went wrong.  Reality - Children may have trouble distinguishing between TV shows that blow up buildings and the factual news reports of this event. Yes, this really  did happen. It is a sad time, but we will come through it with God's help.  When talking about death with young children, play the game, "What's the  Really, Really Me?" In this, touch a part of the child's body and say, "Is this the part of you that makes you cry when you are sad or makes you laugh when you are happy?" - Then do the same with other parts of the body. Finally say, "That's the part that doesn't die when the body dies. We sometimes call this our soul."  Focus - Children need something aside from the crisis on which to focus their attention. This is a good time to carry out a mission project as a family. Suggest some local: ~ mission they may participate in or one of following:  ~ grow a garden and give food to others  ~ supply a meal for someone, bake something for someone  ~ adopt a room or flower bed at church to work on  ~ plant a tree or care for yard of some older person  ~ pray for missionary. Get a calendar of birthdays, etc. from GBGM Service  Center, 7820 Reading Rd, Caller No. 1800, Cincinnati OH 45222-1800  ~ support UMCOR (United Methodist Committee on Relief. Visit their web site  www.gbgm-umc.org/UMCOR-Hotline or call 1-800-841-1235   Stability - There is something about the routine schedule that makes it settling. This can be an anchor to help the child realize that life can and will go on.  Quiet times - In the confusion the crisis, children and adults alike need quiet times.  Some additional thoughts:  Two main questions they're likely to have, whether they communicate those  questions or not: Will this happen to me or to someone I love? (We don't expect it to. You are always loved and have a loving circle of family and friends.)  Why does God make/allow this to happen? (We don't believe that God made this  happen - see will of God above.)  A young child cannot understand "We just have to trust in God." They trust in parents and parents protect them. Did the thousands who were killed not trust in God too?  If you remember any fears at time of Kennedy's death, share that you had fears then.  Realize that children may regress in their behavior to get our attention.  Delia Halverson, Faith Discovery Ministries  15286 Cricket Lane, Fort Myers, FL 33919  941-432-0952 , samandee2@cs.com